dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
