Can i not drive my cunt home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
