She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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