What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
