I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
false alarm. still invincible.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
