And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
