i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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