This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
