i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
