You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
