you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
