I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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