If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
