No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ass is underappreciated
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
