did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
