I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
