so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
