Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
