She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
