I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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