Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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