my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
