my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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