like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
