pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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