did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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