Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
