Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
