nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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