We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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