If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
