Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
