The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
