Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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