I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
