Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
