I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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