Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
