Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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