Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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