you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
