i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
