Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
