is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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