I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i've created a new STD.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
