I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
