sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
