I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
