I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
