those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
