I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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