I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
