Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
