dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are two peas in an std pod
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
