Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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