zippers are such a cool invention
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
