I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
