Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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