Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
