.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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