is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
did i just pee glitter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
