there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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