He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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