you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
