Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
