All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
