I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
