I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
