I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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