I got chris browned last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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