Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
