Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
