My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
