it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize