She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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