Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
